This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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