The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
