these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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