im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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