I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
