I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
