wrigley field is MILF paradise
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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