I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
