She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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