We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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