I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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