I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
