dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
