can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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