So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
