she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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