are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
