Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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