I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
