also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So vagazzling was a success
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
