I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
