I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
