Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Porn is love you can see.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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