i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
