wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
