Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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