so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's get the cat blown out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize