Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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