So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
