Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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