Do you still have your period?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
