Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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