I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
