Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
