The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Randomize
