i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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