Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
