I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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