It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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