I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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