i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
