We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
