It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
