does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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