That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
