1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
