so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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