oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
