actually, I'm a sock model
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
