hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.