If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
