I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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