Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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