There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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