I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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