I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
