a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
