Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
