I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
