Im at strip club and am horny
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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