When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
