I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
