I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
