I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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