if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
