I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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