the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
