So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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