another moral hangover. fuck.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
