i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
