yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
