i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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