Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
