puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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