Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There's even glitter on my cock...
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