i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
